The bad news is that plenty of leaders are so sure of themselves that they reject worthy opinions and ideas from others and refuse to abandon their own bad ones.
The good news is that it is possible to get even the most overconfident, stubborn, narcissistic, and disagreeable people to open their minds.
Adam Grant, organizational psychologist at Wharton, author of Think Again
Takeaways of Note:
4 approaches to “reason with people who seem unreasonable”…
Ask a Know-It-All to Explain How Things Work… in cases when a person is overconfident (they don’t know what they don’t know), if you call out their ignorance directly, they may get defensive. Instead, let them recognize the gaps in their own understanding.
Let a Stubborn Person Seize the Reins… in cases when a person is stubborn, they see consistency & certainty as virtues. Once made up, their minds seem to be set in stone. But their views become more pliable if you hand them a chisel.
Find the Right Way to Praise a Narcissist… in cases when a person is narcissistic, they believe they’re superior & special; they don’t take kindly to being told they’re wrong. With careful framing, they can be coaxed toward acknowledging that they’re fallible.
Disagree with the Disagreeable… in cases when a person is disagreeable & argumentative, they are determined to crush the competition. When you urge them to reevaluate, that’s what you become. However, standing up to them rather than backing down, can sometimes gain the upper hand (Because disagreeable people are energized by conflict, they don’t always want you to bend to their will right away; they’re eager to duke it out).
bonus nuggets:
Computer code is a string of “if…then” commands. Humans are a lot messier, but we too have predictable “if…then” responses. So if you want to reason with people who seem unreasonable, pay attention to instances when they—or others like them—change their minds
In a turbulent world, success depends not just on cognitive horsepower but also on cognitive flexibility. When leaders lack the wisdom to question their convictions, followers need the courage to persuade them to change their minds.